The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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