i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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