My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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