if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize