I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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