I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
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She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
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I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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