I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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