Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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