I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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