so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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