Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize