I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
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Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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