I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
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Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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