Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize