So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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