Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
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If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
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I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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