The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize