He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
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She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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