Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize