Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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