these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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