Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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