I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
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Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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