this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
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I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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