Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize