Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.

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(805): He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/fsan

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(501): View more from Arkansas

so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....

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(501): so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened.... http://tfl.nu/g3ve

Replies (39) Good night (534) Bad night (6353)
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(571): View more from Virginia

We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."

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(571): We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants." http://tfl.nu/wjgr

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(562): View more from California

I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.

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(562): I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/qbx3

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(207): View more from Maine

I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does

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(207): I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does http://tfl.nu/xjqc

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.

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(920): I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters. http://tfl.nu/cy91

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?

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(717): Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking? http://tfl.nu/e79x

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(903): View more from Texas

The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today

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(903): The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today http://tfl.nu/xr2c

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(660): View more from Missouri

He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.

(816): View more from Missouri

Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...

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(660): He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence. (816): Your vagina must be laced with cocaine... http://tfl.nu/n747

Replies (7) Good night (1682) Bad night (656)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.

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(303): I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick. http://tfl.nu/7vfn

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.

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(610): You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns. http://tfl.nu/o535

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(404): View more from Georgia

The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.

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(404): The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again. http://tfl.nu/6m3f

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(940): View more from Texas

I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.

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(940): I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him. http://tfl.nu/9uqa

Replies (15) Good night (1958) Bad night (668)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.

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(720): I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/gexm

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(618): View more from Illinois

You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities

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(618): You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities http://tfl.nu/jkst

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