So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
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i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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