Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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