i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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