Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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