the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize