And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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