Just fell off a train. Bad.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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