I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize