saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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