This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
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and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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