My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
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He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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