went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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