I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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