i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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