My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
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incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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