So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
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the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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