I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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