What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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