this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
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I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
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Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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