I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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