i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize