Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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