They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
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Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
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I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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