Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
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No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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